today, scavenger

Ran into a friend who was fired from the unemployment line.
Gave her eight bucks to throw in on multiple jugs of cheap wine.

She came back with pork rinds, a twelve pack and a lime.
Fuckin’ asshole, she does this shit all of the time.

I ate that fried shit and brushed my teeth with turpentine.
Man it burnt like hell, but you won’t catch me whine.

Bitch took my “spoken for” money and committed a crime.
It didn’t matter to her that it was my last earned dime.

“Chill out,” she shouted. “I’m making some food, swine!”
I replied, “While you’re at it, give my grubby boots a shine.”

I couldn’t tell if it was gumbo, chowder or pond slime.
Considering it had the distinct consistency of bathtub grime.

What the hell is in this broth, I thought, thalassic brine?
Hers had better taste just as horrible and gross as mine.

When I enquired about the foreign ingredients, she became a mime.
What the fuck? Why am I with her wasting away during my prime?

The way things have gone so far makes me want to tie her up with twine
That’s probably too weak so a garden hose or an extension cord will be fine

My disturbing thoughts were interrupted by an outside wind chime
It made me settle down and realize that I’m the only one who’s sublime

If she were a grape not event a starving bird would pluck her from the vine
I don’t think anyone will disagree with these words I reluctantly opine